I’ve been there; you muster up the courage to take the plunge and make an online dating profile. You create it, pay your dues, nervously await messages in your inbox and likes on your photos, and then…. Nothing. Or at least, activity so minimal it’s nothing you can find genuine hope in. Again, I get it. The experience can leave you feeling defeated, vulnerable, and embarrassed. “What’s wrong with me?” could start running through your mind, and the temptation to delete the whole thing, ask for a refund, and boldly declare that online dating didn’t work for you looms large.
Before you hit delete, here are a few practical tips to consider:
There is science and psychology behind attraction and what can come across as a warm, playful, and (slightly) flirty profile. While nothing replaces you being the best version of yourself - which is where I adamantly encourage you to start (work for the promotion, lose the unhealthy excess weight, save money vs. impulse spending your financial future away, and get off your phone), here are a few tips on your profile itself that I encourage you to try to see if you might get better results.
- Pictures matter!
A picture is worth a thousand words, right? When it comes to dating, initial attraction is the biggest factor between engaging a profile vs. moving past it. Your picture says a lot about who you are, so make it a good one! An honest photo of yourself may not attract everyone, but if it’s a genuine reflection of you, it’ll attract the right ones.
For your profile picture, show who you are - don’t try to hide behind big sunglasses or have a phone blocking part of your face. Don’t choose a distant and fuzzy photo, or a photo with so many people you’d have to be a detective to discover which one is you. If you don’t have a good photo of yourself, take one! Clear, smiling, solo, good natural light, and a visible face.
For the second photo, use something full body without being overly posed. After that, try to use a few photos where you’re doing something (vs. sitting on the couch). Are you a sports fan? Post a photo from the recent game at the stadium. Involved at your church? Foodie?
Take pictures that reflect your interests.
Finally, end with a personality picture, something that says “here’s what it would be like to hang out with me.” Perhaps a photo of you laughing, playing guitar, catching a fish, and making a goofy face, ‘struggling’ to hold the Leaning Tower of Pisa… don’t be afraid to go a little quirky here.
While there is definitely some overlap between things you do and your personality, there’s a difference between a picture of you at a concert venue vs. you enthusiastically dancing at that same concert. Pictures truly show more than words can say; if you choose your pictures wisely and honestly (aim for 5 to 6), it’ll attract the right kind of person—the person who is interested in you.
- Keep it Personal and Simple
Now that you’ve got your pictures in order, focus on the content. Keep things simple, but refrain from making it sound like a resume. Remember, people looking at your profile have no idea who you are - they don’t need to read paragraphs about your passions and thoughts on politics and culture, but a generic list of words doesn’t tell them much either. Aim to give just the right amount of information to help them know if you’re the type of guy or girl they’d be interested in.
Use what I like to call “hooks,” for example:
“Currently trying to visit every national park. I'm at 7.”
“I make a dangerously good margarita.”
“Looking for someone who will tolerate my very competitive board-game tendencies.”
Not only do hooks, like the above, give insightful information about who you are, but they are also great conversation starters for someone who might share similar interests.
Next, work to be specific. There’s a difference between someone who “loves traveling” and someone who is “still dreaming about the fondue I had in Switzerland.” Specificity creates personality – what a great way to show who you are without maxing out your word count.
Finally, include something playful – don’t be afraid to flirt a little! Isn’t that one of the fun parts about dating after all?
"Be warned, I will say I'm not hungry and then eat half your fries."
"Convince me where we should go next."
"I will absolutely send you pictures of things that reminded me of you."
- Share what you’re looking for
Use this section to communicate your standards vs. bad experiences. “Don’t waste my time” can come off as abrasive and bitter, whereas “Genuinely looking for someone I can spend forever with” shows passion as well as what you’re looking for in a relationship.
Don’t be afraid to come off as confident in this area – you know your standards and you know what you want. Be free to be both playful and direct here. “Looking for a lifelong Settlers of Catan companion who can also make me laugh,” along with “Online isn’t really my jam; if you’re a winner, I’d like to meet you in person soon!”
Communicate what you’re looking for, what that looks like, and add a little warmth.
- Ending with a Conversation Starter
Finally, end with a conversation starter. While the playful lines may also provide that, ending with a conversation topic is an underrated trick. These are specific statements that invite someone to reach out.
“Skip "hey"—tell me your perfect Saturday.”
"Tell me your most controversial food opinion. I promise not to judge!"
“Two truths and a lie: I've skydived, I've lived abroad, and I hate sushi.”
Statements like the above continue to provide more insight into your personality and remove the initial barrier of what to say or how to strike up a conversation. It can also foster flirty banter from the very beginning.
Keeping the above tips in mind, I encourage you to try revamping your profile. It may not hurt to ask for some feedback from a friend or family member who knows you well. Again, the goal isn’t to attract everyone, but the ones who are a good fit for the genuine you. Best of luck!
