A few weeks ago, on my podcast, someone wrote in and said:
“I’m having trouble committing because I’m worried someone better will come along.”
This mindset is killing relationships before they even have a chance to start. Here's why you need to stop doing it.
The media has messed with our heads!
Social media like Instagram and TikTok haven't helped.
You scroll through and see everyone's highlight reel. Perfect couples on perfect dates in perfect lighting. It looks like everyone else has found their soulmate who's a model and a saint and has their life completely together.
But that's not reality. That's a carefully curated version of reality. You're comparing your actual dating life to someone else's filtered, edited, best-moments-only feed. Of course, real people seem disappointing by comparison.
The same goes for TV shows and movies. You grow up watching rom-coms where people have instant chemistry, their “awkward” moments are actually cute, and their one “big” fight is resolved in 30 minutes. Real dating doesn't work like that. Real relationships are built over time, through ordinary moments and actual effort.
Nobody is perfect (and that's the point)
Your spouse's imperfections are supposed to shape you and make you better. Their weaknesses give you opportunities to practice patience. Their different perspective challenges you to grow. Their quirks teach you to love someone as they actually are, not as you wish they'd be.
Marriage is about committing to someone and growing together over a lifetime. So dating should teach you how to love a person even if you don’t like some aspects of them.
Stop the "ick."
You see this all over social media now—people getting the "ick" over the smallest stuff. He wore cargo shorts. She laughs too loudly. He ordered a sweet drink. She uses too many emojis when she texts.
That's stupid and selfish. You're sabotaging something that could be good over things that don't actually matter. Unless someone has a serious character flaw or you're genuinely incompatible on important things, stop inventing reasons to disqualify them.
When you approach dating with a "grass is greener" mentality, you start nitpicking everything. Don't let little things become big things.
Get Stuck...
Here's something married couples know that single people often don't: the things that annoy you and the things you find adorable can completely flip over time.
The thing that drives you up a wall when you're dating might become endearing after ten years of marriage. What you thought was cute early on might occasionally annoy you later. But if you've built a real foundation of love and commitment, those surface-level things don't shake it.
People change over time. After twenty years of marriage, what you find adorable and what you find annoying might completely switch. But the love gets deeper. That's what you're building toward.
Don’t miss out on a real connection!
The best relationships aren't usually love at first sight. They're people who got to know each other gradually and grew in friendship and love. But that takes time and attention.
You can't build that kind of connection if you're always wondering if someone better is out there. Real intimacy requires being present. It requires getting through the awkward early dates and the moments where everything isn't perfect. It requires actually investing in someone instead of constantly evaluating whether you should keep looking.
When you commit to getting to know someone deeply, that's when something beautiful can develop. But you have to stick around long enough to let it happen.
Trust God's plan.
If you believe God has a plan for your life, you have to trust that He can bring the right person to you. But you also have to do your part. That means being open to the people He's already put in your path instead of constantly looking for someone "better."
Maybe the person you're dating isn't exactly who you pictured. But maybe God knows something you don't. Perhaps this person is exactly who you need, even if they're not who you thought you wanted.
God doesn't usually send you a person who checks every box on your list. He sends you a person who will help you become who He's calling you to be. Sometimes that looks different than what you imagined. Trust Him anyway.
The grass isn't greener on the other side—it's greener where you water it. Stop waiting for someone perfect to show up and start appreciating the good people who are already in your life.
If you're dating someone you genuinely enjoy, who shares your faith and values, and who treats you well, give it a real shot. Stop comparing them to some filtered Instagram version of a relationship. Invest in building something real, even when it gets hard.
