Most of us have had that one ex we think about a little too much and a little too often. You know how it goes. The relationship ended months (maybe even years) ago, but you still find yourself scrolling through old photos and wondering what they're up to.
It's exhausting. And worse, it's holding you back from meeting someone new. You can't move forward when you're still looking back.
So how do you actually get over your ex and start a new chapter? Here's what works.
Cut off contact (yes, really)
I know this sounds harsh, but you need space to heal. That means no texting, no calling, no "just checking in," and definitely nothing late at night. Unfollow them on social media or at least mute them so you're not seeing their posts every day.
"But we said we'd stay friends!"
Look, maybe you can be friends eventually. But not now. Not when you're still trying to get over them. Every time you interact, you're reopening the wound. Give yourself at least a few months of complete separation. If a real friendship is meant to happen, it can happen later when you've both moved on.
This also means avoiding places you know they'll be. If they go to a certain young adult group or daily Mass at a specific time, find a different one for a while.
Stop romanticizing the relationship
Our brains love to remember all the good parts and conveniently forget why we broke up in the first place. You remember the inside jokes, the fun dates, how they made you laugh. You forget the arguments, the incompatibilities, the reasons it didn't work.
If you’re having trouble with this, make a list of why the relationship ended.
- What weren't you getting that you needed?
- What red flags did you ignore?
- What made you unhappy?
Keep this list somewhere you can read it when you start idealizing them again. Because you will. The relationship ended for a reason. Don't forget that.
Get rid of the reminders
Box up their stuff, the gifts they gave you, the photos of you together. You don't have to throw everything away if you're not ready, but get it out of sight. Every time you see that framed photo or wear that hoodie they left at your place, you're keeping them present in your life.
They are not part of your life anymore. Your space should reflect that.
Feel your feelings, but don't wallow
Don't try to suppress the sadness or anger. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to vent to a friend, do it. Acknowledge it and let it pass.
But make sure to give yourself boundaries around it. Allow yourself to be sad, but don't wallow indefinitely. Maybe you let yourself have a rough weekend, but then Monday morning you get up and face the day. Feel your feelings, process them, and then keep moving.
Prayer helps here too. Bring your heartbreak to God. He can handle it. Ask for healing, for peace, for the grace to let go.
Invest in yourself
This is your chance to rediscover who you are outside of that relationship. What did you stop doing when you were dating them? What hobbies or friendships did you neglect?
Hit the gym. Pick up that book you've been meaning to read. Spend more time in adoration. Reconnect with friends. Say yes to invitations even when you don't feel like going out.
You were fine before them; you will be fine after them.
Don't jump into a new relationship
I know it's tempting. You're lonely, you miss being in a relationship, and maybe you think meeting someone new will help you forget your ex. But rebound relationships rarely work. You end up using someone else as a band-aid for your pain, and that's not fair to them or to you.
Give yourself time to heal first. You'll know you're ready to date again when you can think about your ex without it ruining your day. When you're genuinely excited about meeting someone new, not just trying to fill a void.
Stop checking up on them
Stop asking mutual friends about them. Stop looking at their social media. Stop driving by places they might be. Every time you check on them, you're feeding the obsession and making it harder to move on.
Their life is no longer your business. Whether they're dating someone new or miserable and alone, neither scenario is going to make you feel better. Let them go.
Trust that God has a plan
This is hard to believe when you're heartbroken, but that relationship ending might be one of the best things that ever happened to you. They weren't the person God had planned for you.
Trust that if it was meant to be, it would have worked out. And trust that something better is coming.
Getting over an ex takes time and intentional effort. Cut contact, stop romanticizing what you had, feel your feelings without wallowing, and invest in yourself. One day you'll realize you haven't thought about them in weeks. One day you'll meet someone new and be grateful the old relationship ended.
Take it one day at a time.
