“I want to ask her out, but what if she says no?”
“He's cute but he might say he's not interested in me.”
This is the part of dating everyone fears: being rejected, or turned down. It takes guts to ask someone on a date, and it can feel like a punch to the gut when they say no.
But guess what? Being rejected is actually an important part of dating!
Now you may be thinking, “I couldn't possibly have heard that right. Being rejected is a bad thing, isn't it?” NO!
Here are five ways rejection is actually a positive part of your dating life!
- Don't settle
The most obvious way rejection is a positive thing is that it forces you to not settle for the wrong person. You can't invest all your time, energy, and affection into someone who has only “lukewarm” feelings and breaks it off early. You deserve someone who is head over heels for you!
If a date turns you down after date two, date three, or even if they don't go out with you at all, guess what? You've actually learned something extremely valuable! This is not the right person for you. Being rejected isn't failure. If someone says no to a date invitation, it actually went perfectly! You learned that they are not going to be invested in you, and investment is something you want in a future spouse.
Failure would be if you kept trying to date this person when they aren't interested. Don't waste your time! Accept their answer and move on.
Remember: a no is always better than a maybe.
- Learn about yourself
Being turned down or rejected also helps you learn more about yourself. It can improve your dating judgment.
Who do you typically pursue? Do you get attached quickly? Do you struggle to differentiate between friendly and flirty?
Being turned down helps you answer these questions over time. You'll notice your behavior patterns.
Maybe you learn that you often pursue guys who show clear signs of not being interested. Or you think a girl's natural humor is her flirting with you. Once you ask them out, a yes gives you an answer. But so does a no! You can use it to look back and see where you may have misread signals. This will help avoid similar confusion in your future dating!
- Becomes less intimidating
When you are turned down after asking someone out, it can sting a little. However, like with anything else, practice helps!
Think of a teenage boy versus an adult man asking a woman out on a date. Who seems more nervous? Who seems more mature? Who handles rejection better? Chances are the adult is a lot less nervous in this situation. He's probably also more gracious if he's turned down. Why?
Because he's done this before! He's probably been turned down before, too. He knows how to handle the situation, whether it's a yes or, more importantly, a no.
Each time you get rejected, you'll realize that you can survive it.
It probably stings less and less until it doesn't sting at all. This practice in rejection makes asking people out less intimidating. You know that the worst that can happen is the person says no.
And now you know the world won't end. It's not as big of a deal as it used to seem when you were starting out. You know you can take rejection and be just fine!
- Don't idealize
Rejection also helps you to see clearly. It is very easy to idealize someone you like before you ask them out. You may think that they are perfect, or your relationship will be exactly right, or they are the only one for you. Your imagination may run away with you.
Rejection keeps you down to earth. It reminds you that people are not perfect. They are just like you. Don't put them on pedestals. If you are turned down, this person is one individual among many. Don't let it tear your heart apart.
- Recognize reciprocation
Being rejected and noticing when someone isn't into you teaches you how to recognize when someone is interested. You'll get better at reading body language, social cues, deciphering messages, etc. You will have something to compare it to.
“Did the girl who turned me down text me hello every morning?”
“Did that guy who ghosted me ask me for a hug?”
You have an experience framework to help answer questions, especially the “Do they like me?” one!
Note: This does not mean you should compare every relationship detail to a rejected date.
All people are different and show interest in different ways. There are some general similarities, which experience can help you navigate.
So, there you go! Five ways rejection actually benefits your dating life. Go practice! The more you do this, the less fear rejection holds. Pretty soon you'll be unstoppable!
