Feel like something went wrong? Don't know how to get answers?
Something we all have in common when dating online is being ghosted. One minute you are talking to someone and the next you haven't heard from them in weeks. Being ghosted leaves you feeling unsure of yourself and wondering what happened.
Here are five easy to remember things you can do when this happens.
GHOST stands for…
G-Go on with your life
As difficult and confusing as being ghosted can be, it's important to move on with your life. Don't obsess over what you did that made them change their mind. Don't pore over your unanswered messages and ignore new profiles. Obsessing over a “ghost” or what you think went “wrong” will actually make you more anxious and upset. Letting go is the key to being ghosted.
Ghosting is, in itself, an answer. Now you don't have to wonder if this person is still interested in dating. If they haven't responded to you (within a realistic time frame), you have your answer, even if it's painful.
H-Have perspective
It is important to have perspective when it comes to being ghosted. Although it hurts, we have to realize that we do not know the full story. Maybe your date had a family emergency. Maybe they just weren't interested and didn't have the courage to tell you. It could be a variety of things.
The most important thing is not to dwell on it.
Granting them grace while also letting go gives you the freedom to move on rather than focus on the negative.
O-Open new doors
Being ghosted by one person also opens doors you may not have realized were there! Maybe you were ignoring other messages while talking to this person. Now you can turn your focus to these individuals who want your time and attention.
It is very easy to romanticize what could have been.
You might think “maybe she was the one” or “he checked all my boxes”. In reality, this is harmful to your mentality towards dating and negatively affects your attitude towards other possible dates. If you think your future spouse just slipped away, you won't give a possible future spouse a real chance. You may even sabotage future dates.
Pinning all your attention and hopes on someone who has ghosted you is pointless. Spend your valuable time with someone who deserves it!
S-Spend time with other people
Spend some time with your friends and family if you are ghosted and feeling down. Surround yourself with people who help lift you up and give you perspective.
She didn't text back? Your friend may list your good qualities to boost your confidence. He didn't reach out for a second date? Your sister may reassure you that he's not the one.
Other people can help you avoid thoughts like “this always happens to me” and “no one commits anymore”. Don't let one or even multiple instances of ghosting damage your dreams of finding your spouse.
In reality, ghosting says more about the ghoster than it does about you.
In addition, being around other people also forces you to listen and pay attention to them and their lives, which can help you get out of your head. Other people will help you not obsess over a ghost.
T-Take action
Finally, take action in your dating life. Learn from your experiences. Being ghosted gives you valuable experience and perspective. Since you know how it feels firsthand, you have learned not to ghost others.
Even if it's awkward (and it always is) and you would rather ignore their messages and calls, the person on the other end deserves to know the truth. Never ghost a date, prospective or otherwise.
Now that we've gone over what GHOST can mean for you, here are some questions you may have and bonus tips for how to handle them.
- How long is too long to hear back?
This is tricky because everyone has different time frames of responding. Some people respond within hours or even minutes. Others may take several days to get back to you.
It comes down to the pattern you have seen. If your date usually responds within hours and it's been a week, I would consider that ghosting. However, if your date typically messages back after a few days, then a week would not be ghosting.
- Can I get them back?
No. Although this sounds harsh, it's actually in your best interest. You don't want to date or marry someone who misuses your time and will not be honest with you. They may even ghost you again in the future, which would be even more difficult and damaging.
Choose someone who is brave enough to tell you the truth, even when it's uncomfortable. They are far more trustworthy.
- Should I get the last word?
You may feel the urge to get back at your ghoster. Maybe you want to get in the last word and say something hurtful, like “you aren't good enough for me anyway” or “I was going to break up with you tomorrow “.
Don't let your hurt feelings control your decisions.
Now is your chance to show your graciousness and kindness. After all, we are supposed to turn the other cheek. Instead, delete the message chat without responding negatively. Then you are free to move on!
Now you have five easy to remember strategies to move on from being ghosted as well as some bonus tips. Remember, this happens to all of us! Try not to take ghosting personally. Do not obsess over what you think you did “wrong”. Give yourself and the ghoster some grace.
Don't let this experience jade your views on dating. Keep talking to possible dates and putting yourself out there. The right person will see you are worth their time and attention!
